The Silver Rick
by HookahSocialism
Summary: Galactus is headed for Earth to consume its life energy and Rick has no plan to stop him as there are more important things to worry about.


Rick appears to be playing Solitare but is using magic: the gathering cards. He has a bored stoic expression as Morty opens the door panicking

"R...Rick! You gotta look at the news! There theres an alien downtown or something and they're blaming the Koreans. oh geez world war 3 is happening Rick! I I dont wanna get drafted!"

"Morty (belch) cant you see grandpa...grandpa is doing sensitive work here? There isnt gonna be a world war 3 Morty. That's just your dumbass neo-liberal media outlets wishful thinking. You'll live out your meaningless lives with moderators, employers, and probably just random hobos if they really wanted too completely undermining your rights but GOD FORBID you fucking get a rifle and do something about it!

I mean look at what I'm doing here Morty...this game magic the gathering. its horrible Morty. It's imbalanced, the artwork looks like shit, but its been around for like twenty years Morty. This shit is a 20 year old Yugioh ripoff and is worse than Yugioh in every way...why do people play this? I'm trying to make sense out of it all Morty. (belch!)"

"Rick I I think regardless if it's Koreans or something else a metallic surfer blasting down police vehicles and proclaiming life on this planet is coming to an end soon is a little more important than how a shady gaming company keeps making sales on paper with atrocious game mechanics!"

"Maybe just a little..."

Rick and Morty go downtown and see the commotion. Police in riot gear are blasted with weird photon waves produced by the alien and reduced to skeletons with ravaged gear. Their weapons dont even catch his notice. Rick pulls out some kind of radar and points it at him.

"Oh see as I expected... (belch!) it's power cosmic. Yeah Morty this planet is pretty much fucked. I mean it was anyway if magic the gathering is a multi million dollar success but..."

"Forget about Magic Rick! Wha...what is power cosmic?"

"Its a bit vague Morty but power cosmic is kinda the binding element to the universe that some powerful mistaken for gods many of times entities can use. Kinda like The Force...or the speed force. Force is used a lot despite beinga very passive vibration instead of kinetic momentum which would be prone to entropy."

"The the hell are you talking about Rick?"

"The hell im talking about Morty is soon God is gonna showup to this planet and eat it! And that Morty is one of his angels!"

"Oh...oh geez Rick thats awfully blasphemous or at least metaphysical! I I think you've been playing too much Magic the gathering!"

Rick puts his mouth over his hands to yell

"Hey bald alien guy! Are you a herald of (belch) Galactus?!"

The alien stops blasting at officers and towns people and stares at Rick.

"You are the first being on this world to acknowledge me as another sentient individual... let alone utter my master's name with such certainty of my intent. Yes I am a herald. Your planet's doom is unavoidable. Fighting these primitive beasts and their dimunitive arsenal my master will effortlessly consume this planet's life force."

"I'll (belch) I'll make you a deal ok? You leave the planet and tell Galactus not to showup and I'll give you back something I took a long time ago..."

"Which is?"

Rick pulls out his portal gun and goes through. When he comes back he has a heavy exotic looking glaive weapon in his hands.

"Terrax's axe!"

"Yeah...(belch) this is not my first rodeo. So you can have this back so long as you meet my demands."

"You are the smartest ape but you are still just an ape. You are not in a position to be demanding anything of Galactus or his heralds! I will take back the axe by force if I have too!"

Rick gets in a fighting pose with the glaive.

"Fuck yeah...comic book style battle. wish (belch) wish there was a splash page right now."

The Silver Surfer misses Rick several times and Rick is able to wound Surfer with Terrax's glaive which Surfer slides his hand over his body to feel the cuts and wounds.

"It has been years since an alien's weapon could even damage me...yet in mere seconds you have wounded me severely ape."

"I can do a lot more than wound you. How do you think I got this axe? I only left Terrax alive so Galactus didnt catch wind (belch) and come after me himself...but I don't backdown from a throwdown bitch!"

He points the edge of the glaive at Silver Surfer's throat.

"I see... I will send a telepathic message to my master that this planet while on the surface is but a confounded mish mash of cavemen with fire sticks battling for territory and resources. Harbors one particular ape who is so ingenius he can even humble Galactus's heralds... there are other planets. I will leave this one alone you strange...doctor person."

"Yea (belch) wrong guy... But good try though good try."

Silver Surfer flies out of the sky into space and Morty just looks at Rick.

"Geez Rick you you just scared off that Silver Surfer guy and prevented a complete oblivion to the planet!"

"May as well have wasted my time (belch!) rubbing one out Morty...the fact is there is still no moral or psychological reason for magic: the fucking gathering to be nearly as popular as it is. And this is small beans in comparison to the video game industry!"

"Oh geez Rick. I...I think when you become nihilist enough you you have more in common with the aliens and lovecraftian themes than typical people because...because like our pre-conceived notions of morality and senses go out the window! It it doesn't help the west refuses to look beyond the Judeo-Christian lense in a world of Hindus, Buddhists, cults, and Shamans!"

"Beyond good and evil Morty... (belch!) its just easier to say beyond good and evil."

"I I'll try to help you with learning the intricacies of why people play that stupid Magic Rick... I'll make a red mana burn deck."

"You're a scrub Morty..."


End file.
